I have an appointment!

tumblr_m8xh9scySH1qery84I just found out I have an appointment with a woman obstetrician/gynecologist for May 10th. The doctor who set up the appointment for me thought that an obstetrician might be a good doctor to help me, as the tearing is similar to tearing from birthing. I can’t find much about her online, but she teaches at one of the local universities so she is experienced and connected.  I expected to have to wait several months for an appointment, so this is really good.

When I got off the phone with the nurse I had a good hard cry and then looked her up, and then had a cry again. It’s relief and fear together. What if she doesn’t examine me very thoroughly and says nothing can be done? I deserve to know exactly the extent of my injuries, and what I might do to improve their impact on my sex life.

I have to remember to confirm the appointment a week before or I will lose it. I tend to get spacey about things with emotional energy attached to them so I’ve already set lots of reminders and will tell my wife and friends to remind me to confirm too.

I’m also thinking of who to bring with me to the appointment. Last time I brought my wife, but she doesn’t do survivor support well. She loves me, but she’s not great at demonstrating empathy in the way I need it when I’m upset. I think I need a survivor with me. My first thought was one of my longer term male friends, who has survived a lot himself and is good at being supportive, or maybe my other survivor friend who is a lawyer and good at collecting specific information. I need someone who will be compassionate, get what a big deal this is, help me remember to ask everything I want to ask, and offer moral support. Perhaps I’ll talk it over with both of them and see which of them is up for it. The guy gets a bit spacey himself so may not be the best choice if I need someone to be my rock. The woman is a bit less amazonian than I am about her survivor stuff so may not be as unflinching as I need. My wife was there when I first saw the scars so she has the history. But she hates talking about our sex life, and I’ll have to do that to really get the information I need. It will come to me who is best.

6 thoughts on “I have an appointment!”

  1. Pingback: What I learned about health care and sexual abuse survivors | May We Dance Upon Their Graves

  2. I talked it over with my wife and now I feel more confident going with her. She’s even offered to help me figure out what parts of my vulva are sorest and what parts might be numb. I was really frank with her about what I’m looking for from this doctor and why, and the degree of chronic pain I’m in when I do anything sexual. She really got it.

  3. I’m thrilled that you have made it this far in finding a potentially empathetic practitioner….this is a subject that I’ve yet to tackle and am actually delighted that you posted about it….I know I have damage and scar tissue which presented itself during the birth of my daughter….This is a subject not often discussed yet we all sit here with our scars and wonder….please keep us posted on your decision to go….wish I was in your area and I’d certainly go with you! Thanks for the courage to speak about this….

  4. My first thought is Could you get a sexual assault worker to go with you? This is huge and may open up alot. 2nd Why not take both of them then they can support eachother in supporting you and you would feel very loved and should. Will be very healing but highly vulnerable. All the best

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: