Photocredit: Maciej Kraus "The Bridge"

A lot has happened…

The last time I posted here was December 2015. Wow. That’s a long time ago. A lot has happened.

The woman I was dating when I last wrote was a terrible human being. I was completely wrong about her. I was in the initial honeymoon of dating a very self-centred person. As I was writing, she was cheating on me. You might ask how someone can cheat when you are ethically non-monogamous in the first place, but it’s actually quite straightforward. Breaking your word and pursuing someone behind your partners back, and then concealing it, is pretty much always cheating.

Then she spent the next six months gaslighting me about that and about a dozen other things. It was awful. In the process I learned a lot about:

1) How to deal with someone who is gaslighting me, and how much gaslighting also really sucks.
2) The importance of screening people you date and how to do it
3) Adult attachment theory

After I dumped her sorry butt a lot later than I should have, I ended up dating for a bit, then settled on a nice woman I’ve been seeing since, monogamously, who I screened very carefully. She has a child. This is a very new and weird thing, to be dating someone with a child.

And the survivor stuff? I’m learning about adult attachment. How to have a secure relationship. This is a work in progress but is big too. I’m guessing a lot of survivors need to figure this out too.

I’ve also done a lot of work on my damaged vulva, and am happy to report it’s almost completely pain free most of the time. I have a good doctor who is very helpful.

I had an enormous flashback in my dentist office, due to some very insensitive behaviour on their part, and have subsequently changed dentists. I’ve got more to write about that, about what I’ve learned about how to brief new dentists and keep yourself safe.

If you’ve read my blog before you’ll notice I’ve changed the design a bit, and I’ve also moved my blog off of This means that there will not be any ads on the blog any more, other than I may do some posts about books or other things I find useful and link to them from time to time, but only things I actually want to recommend.

I haven’t written much on my book lately, but I have been thinking about it a lot, digesting what I need to write next.

So I have a lot of posts in me.
Stay tuned.

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