I am whole I am holy I was born from pain, raised in pain but I overcame I deserve all the love this world can offer I deserve a beautiful life And I will live it I told her of my fears showed her all the things I was afraid would scare her off believing …
I just got back from a camping trip with my wife. With her support, I burned several boxes of old journals, dating back from my childhood through the present. It took me three days. Now that I’ve decided not to sue the old hopefully soon to be dead bastard, I don’t need them any more. …
I have two books on the go right now. Writing, not reading. One is a novel I wrote about three years ago, which I’m trying to polish and complete. The other is a self-help book for survivors based on this blog. Both are well along and both have a lot of promise. I’m having a …
So, things are still rough with my wife. I was at a practice for the choir I sing with and during the vocal warm up for freaking sake I started crying and had to leave the room to calm down. Then I came back and during the first song we practiced (which was a sad …
I’ve been taking piano lessons. I’ve got a great teacher and I’m enjoying it. As I’ve written about before, I have a hard time learning to play musical instruments, despite being quite musical and not for lack of trying. I get anxious and frustrated easily when doing music, and have a hard time sticking with …
Today I took the day off work (my hours are flexible) to have a ‘creativity day’. I had intended to practice my singing repertoire for my voice lesson tomorrow. I by early afternoon I hadn’t got to it yet, and couldn’t seem to. Finally I resorted to my journal. It turns out my inner child …
I’m fine. All is well. There’s no drama, generally or abuse wise, in my life. Except, I feel edgy and menstrual, which in itself is probably the cause of the edgy. I have a performance this Friday. I’m not looking forward to it. I’d like to be better prepared, but feel like I’d be wimping …
In my meditation walk, I suddenly had a flash that my new motto was “Free your vulva and the rest will follow”.
At the encouragement of one of my friends, I’m working on a book about sexual abuse recovery, based on the writing I’ve done here in the past two years. I’m working on the draft today, organizing the content and writing the introduction. What I’m thinking about is that a lot of us learn by watching …
This is another installment of my novel, in progress. More pieces here. Sarah waited in a vinyl-covered, yet surprisingly comfortable chair at the edge of the central court. The mall quiet enough in this second week of December to worry even the most seasoned mall retailer. The windows were bright and filled with shiny sparkly …
I haven’t been writing because I’ve got a lot going on but most of it is not particularly survivory, and is private in that it involves more than just me. I’m still doing the music, still struggling with continuing to rehearse, but I’m taking weekly voice lessons. I got the number of a piano teacher …
A few days ago at my woman’s camp I performed my ‘scars to prove it’ song. I wrote a new ending for it. Here’s the version I performed below. I got a standing ovation. At the intermission two women came and cried in my arms (which was fine and an honour). That night several women …
I was listening to the audio recording of my last singing lesson (I’ve had three so far) and damn, my voice sounds good. I went online and purchased some sheet music for songs I’d like to do. The music store even transposes them to the right key. This is a big deal, as transposing by …
Well, it’s been a couple of weeks now since my last therapy session I think. I’m choosing to spend time on the present day goals I have, improving my singing, finishing the book I’m writing, getting my physical health in better order, having fun. I’m feeling a bit isolated. Father’s day was hard this year, …
So today I had my lung function tested and it’s apparently just fine. The respirologist said the dizziness was just exercising too hard while being out of shape, as the lactic acid builds up in the body and gets released or something when you exercise hard, making one dizzy and nauseous. I guess I have …
This song often makes me cry. It’s about the Australian government’s apology to the aboriginal peoples of Australia, but…. imagine it is an apology from the people of your home town, extended family or community for not seeing or helping you when you were abused or for not stopping the sexual offenders they knew were …
My back yard is full of noise, concrete, chain link fence overlooking neighbours in balconies. But if I angle my chair Facing the garden, seeing the leaves of the roses rather than the cars behind hearing the miracle song of birds not the pounding and shouts of men busy at building there is a place …
A friend of mine sent me this video link and I loved it. Music with a hopeful topic, presented in a playful way. A pick me up. Made me cry a little, but just because sometimes beauty overwhelms me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJKythlXAIY Okay it says let it go this too shall pass, but I interpret that in …