Creativity & Music

Love is not a prize

I am whole I am holy I was born from pain, raised in pain but I overcame I deserve all the love this world can offer I deserve a beautiful life And I will live it I told her of my fears showed her all the things I was afraid would scare her off believing […]

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Burning the Journals

I just got back from a camping trip with my wife. With her support, I burned several boxes of old journals, dating back from my childhood through the present. It took me three days. Now that I’ve decided not to sue the old hopefully soon to be dead bastard, I don’t need them any more.

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Grief and Fierce Self-Love

So, things are still rough with my wife. I was at a practice for the choir I sing with and during the vocal warm up for freaking sake I started crying and had to leave the room to calm down. Then I came back and during the first song we practiced (which was a sad

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semi-multiple identity moments

Today I took the day off work (my hours are flexible) to have a ‘creativity day’. I had intended to practice my singing repertoire for my voice lesson tomorrow. I by early afternoon I hadn’t got to it yet, and couldn’t seem to. Finally I resorted to my journal. It turns out my inner child

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Writing a book

At the encouragement of one of my friends, I’m working on a book about sexual abuse recovery, based on the writing I’ve done here in the past two years. I’m working on the draft today, organizing the content and writing the introduction. What I’m thinking about is that a lot of us learn by watching

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Checking in

I haven’t been writing because I’ve got a lot going on but most of it is not particularly survivory, and is private in that it involves more than just me. I’m still doing the music, still struggling with continuing to rehearse, but I’m taking weekly voice lessons. I got the number of a piano teacher

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I was listening to the audio recording of my last singing lesson (I’ve had three so far) and damn, my voice sounds good. I went online and purchased some sheet music for songs I’d like to do. The music store even transposes them to the right key. This is a big deal, as transposing by

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Post therapy

Well, it’s been a couple of weeks now since my last therapy session I think. I’m choosing to spend time on the present day goals I have, improving my singing, finishing the book I’m writing, getting my physical health in better order, having fun. I’m feeling a bit isolated. Father’s day was hard this year,

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Breathing easily

So today I had my lung function tested and it’s apparently just fine. The respirologist said the dizziness was just exercising too hard while being out of shape, as the lactic acid builds up in the body and gets released or something when you exercise hard, making one dizzy and nauseous. I guess I have

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A good apology

This song often makes me cry. It’s about the Australian government’s apology to the aboriginal peoples of Australia, but…. imagine it is an apology from the people of your home town, extended family or community for not seeing or helping you when you were abused or for not stopping the sexual offenders they knew were

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My back yard is full of noise, concrete, chain link fence overlooking neighbours in balconies. But if I angle my chair Facing the garden, seeing the leaves of the roses rather than the cars behind hearing the miracle song of birds not the pounding and shouts of men busy at building there is a place

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Hopeful and fun video

A friend of mine sent me this video link and I loved it. Music with a hopeful topic, presented in a playful way. A pick me up. Made me cry a little, but just because sometimes beauty overwhelms me. Okay it says let it go this too shall pass, but I interpret that in

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