Family members of incest survivors come in three main types: abusers, accomplices/condoners, and bystanders. Bystanders are the most possible to have an adult relationship with but will have some denial, minimization and blame to get in the way. The other two categories are basically a lost cause. There is a fourth type of course, other survivors within the family. This isn’t my experience, or at least not that my brothers have acknowledged, so I haven’t written about that. Posts are sorted with the most recent ones first, so if you prefer to read chronologically, you can go to the archives section at right.
I was going to write about the US election, and how the constant state of anxiety and foreboding this week has really dampened my ability to get anything done or to sleep. I feel tired all the time, my shoulders are tense, I am weepy, my usually like clockwork period is a week late (yes, …
I heard back from my mother on my birthday a little while ago. She wished me a happy birthday, in a brief text message. I was not happy. I have not replied.
I wrote several poems today after a meditation walk I do to clear my head. Here are two of them: 3. Father’s day Sobs shake me in the silence of the labyrinth the creak of wood floor He’s not dead yet. But neither am I. 4. Blessed be all of us strong and struggling The …
Meditation on Father’s Day from an incest survivor Read More »
I am going to celebrate Mother’s day tomorrow, in honour of my inner mother – the part of myself that nurtures and cares for all of me, and in honour of Mother Earth. My two mothers, Mother Earth and my inner self-mother love, nurture, feed and protect me every day. To all my incest survivor peeps, …
Yesterday I did a ritual of blessing and letting go with one of my friends. We both practice the same religion but hadn’t done any ceremony together before. It was her idea to burn things we wanted to let go of before we go into the new year, and to eat a dinner of black …
Tonight is Christmas Eve. I am grateful to be spending it with my spouse and my dog, in a warm, safe house full of light and love. I am happy. I’d like to share some holiday coping tips and recommendations as I’ve learned them over the past 20+ years for myself and from other survivors …
I went out to ‘Trouble with the curve’ tonight with my wife. This story of a relationship between a father and daughter and it’s impact on her life really touched me. Wierd eh? My father is a sociopath, Clint Eastwood’s character is crusty but quite beautiful actually. There’s a scene where he beats a man …
I had my aunt visit recently, the one who was also assaulted by my father. When I visited her a couple of years ago, she was very accepting of what I had to say and even offered to put some pressure on my mom to write me a letter. After visiting me she visited my …
My wife nailed it. She said “there isn’t going to be a letter, she didn’t get what she wanted.” According to my aunt, my mom has allegedly written a letter in response to the one I wrote her a few years ago. That letter I wrote 3 years ago is of course out of date, …
I was left a very thoughtful comment today in response to my post about why I’m not going to have children because my father is a sociopath. In Balbrouchan’s comment, which you can read here, she brings up some good issues. The first is that socipathy isn’t 100% inheritable, since she and I are not …
So I’ve been extra spacey lately since the news about the impending letter from my mom replying to the one I sent her three years ago. It’s not like I really notice the spaci-ness myself much, but my wife has noticed and pointed out a few things. This morning I forgot to feed my beloved dog, and …
PTSD Spaciness triggered waiting for letter from mom Read More »
My older brother called me on the weekend and we got together to watch his kid play in a sporting event. All in all it went well. He made an effort to connect, I brought my wife, and we were on his home turf in a way (watching his kid play) so he felt comfortable …
Visit with older brother – is the abuser dead yet? Read More »
My mom’s sister (who I like) called me this weekend to let me know that my mom has finally written a reply to my letter sent almost three years ago with, apparently, answers to my questions. The catch is, she feels it’s too private to send by mail (?) and would like to know how I want …
This weeks post is a result of re-reading some an old comment I made on a website about childbirthing when you are a survivor. I’ve never birthed or raised a child, and don’t plan to. When I was younger, I had a strong aversion to the tearing that always happens during childbirth. I had some …
Sociopathy is inherited – choosing not to have children Read More »
This is a rant about Father’s day. I know most of you reading are survivors, so you probably get where I’m coming from. I’m ranting here so I don’t do it on facebook, where many of my friends and in-laws are gushing about their good fathers living or dead. Yes, I know a lot of …
Father’s Day is not a happy holiday for Incest Survivors Read More »
I just finished bringing my father / abuser’s file to the attention of the RCMP in connection with some murders of young women that have been happening in and around my home town during the time my family has lived there. I used an online tip form, because it seemed a lot easier to write …
-Likely to be triggering – As I’ve written about before, my father is a sociopath, a person without empathy or conscience. I don’t mean this merely as an insult, but as a literal fact. This means that he has no internal limits on his behaviour. As a result I have to wonder what else he’s …
Do I report my sociopath father to the police? Again? Read More »
In my meditation walk, I suddenly had a flash that my new motto was “Free your vulva and the rest will follow”.