Family Members of Incest Survivors

Family members of incest survivors come in three main types: abusers, accomplices/condoners, and bystanders. Bystanders are the most possible to have an adult relationship with but will have some denial, minimization and blame to get in the way. The other two categories are basically a lost cause. There is a fourth type of course, other survivors within the family. This isn’t my experience, or at least not that my brothers have acknowledged, so I haven’t written about that. Posts are sorted with the most recent ones first, so if you prefer to read chronologically, you can go to the archives section at right.

Texts and family reunions

I heard back from my mother on my birthday a little while ago. She wished me a happy birthday, in a brief text message.  I was not happy.  I have not replied.

Holidays for Incest Survivors

Tonight is Christmas Eve. I am grateful to be spending it with my spouse and  my dog, in a warm, safe house full of light and love. I am happy. I’d like to share some holiday coping tips and recommendations as I’ve learned them over the past 20+ years for myself and from other survivors …

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Grief, when you least expect it

I went out to ‘Trouble with the curve’ tonight with my wife. This story of a relationship between a father and daughter and it’s impact on her life really touched me. Wierd eh? My father is a sociopath, Clint Eastwood’s character is crusty but quite beautiful actually. There’s a scene where he beats a man …

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No Letter

My wife nailed it. She said “there isn’t going to be a letter, she didn’t get what she wanted.” According to my aunt, my mom has allegedly written a letter in response to the one I wrote her a few years ago. That letter I wrote 3 years ago is of course out of date, …

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Inheriting Evil

I was left a very thoughtful comment today in response to my post about why I’m not going to have children because my father is a sociopath. In Balbrouchan’s comment, which you can read here, she brings up some good issues. The first is that socipathy isn’t 100% inheritable, since she and I are not …

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I did it.

I just finished bringing my father / abuser’s file to the attention of the RCMP in connection with some murders of young women that have been happening in and around my home town during the time my family has lived there. I used an online tip form, because it seemed a lot easier to write …

I did it. Read More »