Family: Enablers / Accomplices

Relatives who know about the abuse and cover it up are criminal accomplices, whether they are seen that way or not.  Relatives who condone the abuse once they know about it, are also accomplices. Mothers who stay with men who abuse their children would be an example here. In my story, this is my mother, who knew and did not help me escape.

Texts and family reunions

Text message received

I heard back from my mother on my birthday a little while ago. She wished me a happy birthday, in a brief text message.  I was not happy.  I have not replied.

Holidays for Incest Survivors

Tonight is Christmas Eve. I am grateful to be spending it with my spouse and  my dog, in a warm, safe house full of light and love. I am happy. I’d like to share some holiday coping tips and recommendations as I’ve learned them over the past 20+ years for myself and from other survivors …

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No Letter

My wife nailed it. She said “there isn’t going to be a letter, she didn’t get what she wanted.” According to my aunt, my mom has allegedly written a letter in response to the one I wrote her a few years ago. That letter I wrote 3 years ago is of course out of date, …

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Family Reunion

Don’t panic, it’s not MY family, it’s my wife’s. However, in the wake of my mother’s stalker-like note, I’m a bit twitchy about family. I normally like my wife’s family, they’re religious (in that gay-hating, women oppressing way, not the good way) but we stay away from that and they don’t tell us we’re going …

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Hand-delivered note from mom

I went out my front door and found the following note stuffed into my mailbox, hanging out. I recognized my mom’s handwriting at once. Here’s what it said: “July 9, 2010 Hi [SDW] & [Wife], A long time has passed. Maybe we could meet for “coffee” tea” soon. Love Mom” and then on a separate …

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Linear time 7+

When I was 7 we moved to the second house. The dog who died in the first house was replaced near the end of our time there with two black lab puppies. What were my parents thinking? Amos was a high strung hyper dog, and Andy was more placid. My father was training them as …

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Linear time – Age 1-7

I was told that it was good to tell your survivor story from beginning to end, as part of integrating it and setting it to rest. Part of the problem with that is that I have some gaps  and some memories that are still in dissociated states, but I’ll try. I’m going to ‘bold’ the …

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Getting ready to fight

I’m thinking about scaling back my therapy schedule from once every two weeks to once a month. It’s been over a year now since I found out  my father/abuser had a severe cancer recurrence, and apparently he’s once again dodging the bullet. Apparently even the afterlife doesn’t want anything to do with him.  Why prepare …

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Big fight with brother

Ah, that stuff they I read about family systems work is right. When you try and change a long-standing pattern, people freak out on you to try and get you to change back. The deal is that you’re supposed to respond in a low key manner. I wrote the follow-up email to my older brother, …

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