Posts that are about experiences I was having at the time I wrote them, about my life, interactions with family and quest to get proper medical care for my injuries.
Okay, so I think I found a safe (to me) place to get a gyne exam. I found out through some friends that the community health centres have nurses that do pap tests, who are allowed to schedule longer appointments than doctors (who under our health system are allowed 15 minutes, if you can believe […]
Warrior Schedules PAP Test Read More »
“Warriorship…does not refer to making war on others. Agression is the source of our problems, not the solution. Here the word “warrior” is taken from the Tibetan Pawo, which literally means “one who is brave.” Warriorship—is the tradition of human bravery, or the tradition of fearlessness.” – Chogyam Trungpa In those terms, most of the
After my success last week with the intrusive imagery, I decided this week to hunt down other pain in the ass residues of being a survivor that are persistent. I have a fear of walking up stairs from basements. I manage to do it on a regular basis, in fact my bedroom is in the
Hunting down the fragments Read More »
I just sent this. Hi there, I’m sorry for doing this in an email, but wasn’t certain I could explain all this well over the phone. I hope you can forward this email to whomever in your organization it might concern. I’m originally from [home town] (born and raised) and am an incest survivor. My
Email to a survivors organization in my home town Read More »
I’ve been getting weekly massages and had one today. It’s amazing how nice and unusual being more relaxed than usual is. Last night I made some good progress on writing a song to go with Oniongirl’s words (with her permission) and I’m really happy with it. I’ve got to get the guitar part a bit
Back in the saddle Read More »
It’s 5:20 am and I can’t sleep. I’m not one of those poor people who actually gets up at 5 am for work or the insane ones that get up at 5 am to do yoga or something. My bedroom is hot, the comforter is too warm, my stomach is upset and I’m running over
Okay, so I went bravely forth today on my quest to find a doctor to do a pap test. Like many survivors, I haven’t had a gyne exam in several years, in my case, about 8. I haven’t had (or thankfully, needed) any other medical care during that time. I have recurrent yeast infections (or
A childhood sexual abuse survivor goes to the dentist, and triumphs over fluoride treatments.
Hidden Disabilities and Dentists Read More »
Yesterday in therapy we talked about me hiding. There is a sneaky part of me that is afraid of being seen, that shuts me down, but doesn’t tell me that it’s doing it, whenever it gets triggered. It reminds me of when I was learning not to dissociate. At first I wouldn’t realize I’d dissociated for
So I now have the sword I’m going to use to dance on my fathers grave, when he will do me and the world the favour of finally succumbing to cancer. It’s a tai chi sword, with a kind of feminine, watery feel to it, with a wooden handle and a red cord to hang
Sharpening the Sword to Dance on My Abusers Grave Read More »
Why am I publishing such personal information on the web? My therapist thinks that my process might be of value to others, and I’m proud of defying the silence that supported my abuser and unfortunately still supports the abusers that are raping children today. If incest and rape is taboo to talk about, it reinforces
Buying the sword to dance on my abusers grave. Read More »
November 22nd. I have come to understand that my mother knew and chose to do nothing. When I was 18 or thereabouts, I wrote my mother a letter telling her what my father had done to me. That he’d raped me and sexually abused me, beginning when I was quite young and continuing for years.