Relationships and Survivors

It has to be hazelnut

Since shortly after my most recent relationship ended, I have been presented with opportunities to set boundaries with women who want to date me. It’s been illuminating. I realize that up until now, I’ve basically gone out with women (and men, when I was doing that) who had one feature in common – they wanted …

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Getting your certification

So I think I have a strategy to never date someone avoidantly attached for more than a couple of dates ever again. I’m going to learn how to spot where it goes wrong and stop it right there. I want a certificate that says I will see early and never stay once I realize that …

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Reliable, Reassuring and REAL

So I’m waiting for ‘the talk’ – the conversation where I am likely going to be very firm about what I need in a relationship and she is going to say – naw. And I’ll need to walk away. Thanks 2020. I”m pre-grieving. I don’t hold out much hope it will go other than badly. …

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Foreboding joy

I’ve been single for about a year, and have recently started dating someone new. It’s lovely and joyful and I’m happy. I’m pleased with how easy connection is, but I’m still as survivor with a home-built, diy sense of security and self-love, so I need some maintenance. I’ve been getting a lot in recent years …

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Growing to do.

Today, my email sent me a notification about the post I posted yesterday. It included the full text, and my first thought was fear in case my ex read it. Not just because of her reaction, but also because I don’t want hurt her. She has some poor behaviour based in her own gunk, and …

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I will not lie to you.

I broke up with a partner recently. We were monogamous. It was awful. Not because we were monogamous, but because – hell I don’t really know, yet, I’m still numb and still and gummed up. I feel broken.

Adult Attachment and Survivors (or – how to have a secure relationship when your childhood sucked) – Part 1

This is a huge topic. Here’s the short version for childhood sexual abuse survivors. When you had parents who severely abused or neglected you, it messes up your ability to be close to a romantic partner. Oh yay, another thing being a survivor has messed up, you say? Well, yes, but the good news is, …

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A lot has happened…

The last time I posted here was December 2015. Wow. That’s a long time ago. A lot has happened. The woman I was dating when I last wrote was a terrible human being. I was completely wrong about her. I was in the initial honeymoon of dating a very self-centred person. As I was writing, …

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Love is not a prize

I am whole I am holy I was born from pain, raised in pain but I overcame I deserve all the love this world can offer I deserve a beautiful life And I will live it I told her of my fears showed her all the things I was afraid would scare her off believing …

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New Year Resolution

So last Saturday I saw my ex girlfriend (Kitten) and her new girlfriend at the bar. It was no big deal. For those who don’t know the back story, she was my partner for 5 months and we broke up mid September. She reminded me a lot of my father / abuser, thankfully not in …

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