paganism

Unveiling

One of the things that is complicated about the polyamory community is our strange inability to talk about our love lives, since everyone we know that is poly is likely to be webbed up in some way with whomever we want to talk about. For example: I’ve been on three dates recently. All women are …

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Ethical Polyamory

Okay, I know this is a blog about later recovery from sexual abuse, and specifically waiting for my abuser to die so I can dance on his grave,  so what am I doing talking about polyamory? Well, part of being a child sexual assault survivor, particularly once the flashbacks have died down a lot, is …

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Checking in

I haven’t been writing because I’ve got a lot going on but most of it is not particularly survivory, and is private in that it involves more than just me. I’m still doing the music, still struggling with continuing to rehearse, but I’m taking weekly voice lessons. I got the number of a piano teacher …

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Visiting Family

Well, I went back east for a week to visit my moms siblings, my dad / abuser’s sister and a bunch of cousins and second cousins. It went very well, and I got a lot of loving supportive connection and reconnection and lots of validating and useful information. I’ve been researching sociopaths lately and am …

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Getting to Core

I just reread my last two posts (and found and fixed some typos). Getting to certainty is important. When I read Tarot, I get myself calm and centred, and then reach down to my roots and dwell there. This helps me be grounded in my intuition and my connection to the Goddess. If I don’t …

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unfinished business

(Trigger warning to my ritual abuse survivor allies – the following has description of positive pagan ceremony. ) Last night I got together with a friend of mine who shares my religious beliefs. We got to talking about how neither of us are completing our creative projects to our satisfaction. As we talked, we both …

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Exercise

I’m out of shape and overweight. I’ve lost over 20 pounds this year, mostly water I think, just by counting calories and exercising a little. I’ve got about 30 more to go till I’m at the top range of what the most generous charts say I should weight for my height. Lately, I’ve been exercising …

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Feminist Vitamins

I’ve been telling my friends that coming back from my week at camp I feel like I’ve had a megadose of ultra-strength feminist Mother Earth vitamins. It’s not like I”m any different, just more of myself, and I feel stronger and more resilient. How important it is to be in a space where I can …

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The Bear

So I figure I’ve got grieving nailed down now. At the retreat this week I had several gut-shaking cries that were very cleansing. In a wierd way, I like grieving, it’s when the pain leaves my system and I feel peace. So now I’m on to anger and rage. Like when I first started grieving, …

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Filling a space

Last night I was reading in bed waiting for my wife to (finally) stop messing around on the computer and come to bed.  The book I was reading was on psychic self defence, not a topic I particularly needed, but it was the only book in the bookstore by an author I like.  Anyhow, he was …

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The Man Who Planted Trees

This video/story has nothing to do with being a survivor, really, but much to do with hope and making a difference. It’s an allegorical tale of a man who spends his life planting trees. This is the type of movie I’d like to see more of instead of reality tv, never resolving dramas and sensationalized …

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Cords and ties

My therapy session today was unexpectedly intense yesterday. I’ve been giving myself a hard time lately about not being able to persevere. In general, particularly with certain things like learning physical skills, if I meet resistance or difficulty, I have a lot of trouble continuing on in spite of it (except in certain thing, or things …

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Learning to be here

I met a woman at the Pagan conference who presented on a topic I happened to have a book on that I’d read but didn’t really understand. However, I knew that she would find the book of interest so I brought it and gave it to her. She’d heard me sing, and in return gave …

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Pagan Conference

This weekend I attended a Pagan conference and met some interesting and helpful people. Have you ever had a period in your life where you appear to be in Grace? Where challenges emerge and are defeated easily? Where it seems simple to be calm and powerful? The voices of the divine and your own truth …

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