In my previous post on this topic, I covered coming out to yourself, your therapist and your support or therapy community. The final two really difficult steps are coming out to friends and lovers (level one and two) and coming out to or confronting your family. The family piece might come before the friend piece, […]
Coming Out as a Survivor Part 2 – Friends and Lovers Read More »
So last Saturday I saw my ex girlfriend (Kitten) and her new girlfriend at the bar. It was no big deal. For those who don’t know the back story, she was my partner for 5 months and we broke up mid September. She reminded me a lot of my father / abuser, thankfully not in
New Year Resolution Read More »
Yesterday I did a ritual of blessing and letting go with one of my friends. We both practice the same religion but hadn’t done any ceremony together before. It was her idea to burn things we wanted to let go of before we go into the new year, and to eat a dinner of black
New Year – Releasing, Banishing and Blessing Read More »
I subscribe to the theory that what we are attracted to in a mate is often a reflection of both the ways we’ve learned to accept love as children and the unfinished business we have with people who were close to us as children. And of course, by ‘we’ I mean me.
Dating your parents (no not literally, thankfully!) Read More »
Surprize! Getting the inflammation in my vulva down to a dull roar did not instantly fix my sex life. Surprize! Struggling while trying to restore my vulva to the state the Goddess intended for it brings up unexpected daddy issues. Surprize! The God makes a reappearance. Surprize! People can be exceptionally kind sometimes when you
Herne’s blessings – vulva healing and sexuality Read More »
Do you have a friend, relative or lover who survived childhood sexual assault? Here’s 6 of the top 10 things not to say or do. 1) Breaking the kvetching order – Don’t expect the survivor to provide emotional support to you about your feelings about their trauma. Go to other people with that. Support her
What not to say to survivors of childhood sexual assault… Read More »
I remember despairing of ever having a decent sex life, of ever actually wanting sex, of finding people who wanted me and would be good to me, with whom I could navigate the minefield that is survivor sex, so I thought I’d brag about how awesome things are so if that’s where you are right
Awesome Sexuality after surviving the worst Read More »
My neck has been particularly seized up since I found out about the appointment with the gynecologist. Coincidence? Not likely. Since the assault that caused the tearing in my vagina also caused a neck injury, the two are definitely linked. I believe in the saying “trust in God(s) but tie your camel”, which means to
Rules of kvetching: applied to CSA survivors Read More »
One of the things that is complicated about the polyamory community is our strange inability to talk about our love lives, since everyone we know that is poly is likely to be webbed up in some way with whomever we want to talk about. For example: I’ve been on three dates recently. All women are
Well, my new relationship is now over. She broke up with me about a week ago, by email, after spending a lovely day together. That was hard. Some people need to be the central person in another person’s life and the polyamory didn’t work for her. It hit her that I have a wife I
Note: This post provoked a very honest and productive dialogue between me, a mostly cis woman survivor and a trans woman named MichelleLianna in the comments. I really encourage you to read our conversation, it was the best dialogue on this topic I’ve ever experienced and clarified this issue a lot, I think for both
Missing the Freakin Point! Same-Sex Boundaries and Sexual Abuse Survivors Read More »
Okay, I know this is a blog about later recovery from sexual abuse, and specifically waiting for my abuser to die so I can dance on his grave, so what am I doing talking about polyamory? Well, part of being a child sexual assault survivor, particularly once the flashbacks have died down a lot, is
In Creston BC, which is in the western section of Canada, the country where I live, there is an organized paedophile ring masquerading as a religion. The fundamentalist church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) bills itself as an orthodox stream of Mormonism (The mainstream Mormon church doesn’t agree).
Bountiful Abuse – why something stronger was needed to stop a religious child abuse ring Read More »
Well, things have settled down a bit. We’ve moved into separate levels of the house now, and set up our own kitchens and bedrooms. We’re still sleeping in the same bedroom sometimes, but sometimes alone too. I’m still grieving my wife’s decision to stop having sex with me, or her lost of libido or whatever.
Last night my wife held me while I cried for a long time. She curled around me, spoon-style, and held me solidly. I cried for the loss of her holding me in just this way, when I wake with a nightmare or flashback, or just need to grieve. We talked this morning again, easier in
Grieving and staying present Read More »
I came back home from my pilgrimage today. I have to say to all you Pagans out there – you’ll understand if you do real magic – you really have to be careful what you ask the Goddess for, as she often responds swiftly and decisively. There was this one temple, underground, called the Hal Saflieni
Separating from Wife – I think Read More »
Unlike my other posts, this isn’t written for survivors, but for their partners. Okay, I lied, it’s really written for survivors to give to their partners, and has both answers to frequently asked questions and some helpful tips. I’m mixing up the pronouns here, because a lot of this applies to both women and men,
Primer for Partners of Sexual Abuse Survivors Read More »
As a pagan, I don’t celebrate the birth of a god/saint/martyr from another religion as such. However I grew up celebrating Christmas, and all of my family does. It is a time of year when we all pretend for a few days, and gift giving, albeit with strings attached is a big part of that.
Some Christmas gifts are not worth the price Read More »