I’ve been feeling disheartened lately. I’ve been practicing tantric yoni massage (no endorsement implied in the link, but the description seems about right, and it even mentions survivors), both on my own and with my wife and my lover. I have the injured vulva which has been very sore, and I end up crying throughout the […]
Benefits of being a sexual abuse survivor… Read More »
So last Saturday I saw my ex girlfriend (Kitten) and her new girlfriend at the bar. It was no big deal. For those who don’t know the back story, she was my partner for 5 months and we broke up mid September. She reminded me a lot of my father / abuser, thankfully not in
New Year Resolution Read More »
If you believe in astrology, I can sum up my experience this morning with one phrase: I am a Sagittarius with a moon in Scorpio. This means that my inside and my outside aren’t always on speaking terms. My super open, transparent, honest to a fault Sagittarius outside persona is at odds with an inner
Care and feeding of the unconscious Read More »
One of the things that is complicated about the polyamory community is our strange inability to talk about our love lives, since everyone we know that is poly is likely to be webbed up in some way with whomever we want to talk about. For example: I’ve been on three dates recently. All women are
I just got back from a camping trip with my wife. With her support, I burned several boxes of old journals, dating back from my childhood through the present. It took me three days. Now that I’ve decided not to sue the old hopefully soon to be dead bastard, I don’t need them any more.
Burning the Journals Read More »
My wife nailed it. She said “there isn’t going to be a letter, she didn’t get what she wanted.” According to my aunt, my mom has allegedly written a letter in response to the one I wrote her a few years ago. That letter I wrote 3 years ago is of course out of date,
Hey folks. I know I haven’t been writing here much lately. I’m working on my book a bit, it’s coming along nicely, actually. I got a bit of a boost from a reader here who commented with support for my writing (thanks!) and got going on it. Also, I haven’t had anything sworddancerly to report.
I am open, and I am willing Read More »
In my meditation walk, I suddenly had a flash that my new motto was “Free your vulva and the rest will follow”.
Free your vulva and the rest will follow. Read More »
My adult spirituality developed in first or second year university. I was taking a philosophy of religion course, up to my neck in flashbacks and attending 12 step meetings of Adult Children of Alcoholics. The Courage to Heal and ‘You can heal your life’ were my lifelines. In the 12 step meetings I went to,
What I learned about faith and child sexual abuse Read More »
Feel whatever is there in a safe place The first time I remember not being anxious was after a 12 step meeting. My shoulders were relaxed. This had never happened before, I was certain. It was after an adult children of alcoholics meeting. I found 12 step meetings really helpful in my early recovery, because
What I learned about anxiety – for child sexual abuse survivors Read More »
I am a student of happiness right now. It started when I realized that I wasn’t actually happy. Nothing bad going on particularly, but not happy. That has changed. Then I came across this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0 and something in it clicked for me, about how I need to let people see me, people in my regular
What I’ve learned about happiness Read More »
I’m heading off to a camp I enjoy for a week or so, run by some Goddess-oriented gals. It tends to charge me up, but there is a possibility, since I unfortunately joined the somewhat drama-filled organizing committee this year, that it will not be as nourishing. Not doing that again. Anyhow, I’m going, and
Feminist Vitamin Camp Read More »
I got my wife to take a picture of my vulva so I could see what I’m dealing with. A mirror is quite an awkward way to see one’s vulva if you’ve ever tried it. It was easier at the nurse’s office, but she had a magnifying mirror I think and a good light and
A picture is worth… Read More »
Okay, I’m going to get a bit religious below, so if that stuff doesn’t appeal to you, I won’t be offended if you skip it. You’ve been warned. I was feeling so overwhelmed yesterday night. I had a two hour meeting with a really unpleasant client who is associated with one of my best clients,
One of the things I believe as part of my religion is that communication with the Gods is not just a one way flow. Events that feel significant in one way or another, probably are. Many people believe that their Gods answer their prayers for help or guidance in this way. I went downtown on
“What are the words you do not yet have? What do you need to say? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? Perhaps for some of you here today, I am the face of one of
So I did end up talking to a lawyer about my father and the scar tissue last night, but not in the way I expected. I asked a friend of mine, who is a lawyer about how I might go about finding a suitable lawyer. She asked what about and we got into it. She
Talking to a lawyer Read More »
Today is the morning of the shortest day of the year. A time when I usually clean up, simplify, tidy, pray. I’m grateful for my blessings this year: learning to persevere, my friends. I’m also grateful for something that happened recently. In the place cleared by recognizing that I’d already lost my older brother, I