coming out

Love is not a prize

I am whole I am holy I was born from pain, raised in pain but I overcame I deserve all the love this world can offer I deserve a beautiful life And I will live it I told her of my fears showed her all the things I was afraid would scare her off believing …

Love is not a prize Read More »

Massage

I had an interesting experience having a massage today. I had a sore hip due to what my chiropractor says is a tight ‘IT band’. The massage therapist was doing various things to loosen this and I was asking her what might have caused it to get so tight. Between the two of us we figured …

Massage Read More »

Getting to Core

I just reread my last two posts (and found and fixed some typos). Getting to certainty is important. When I read Tarot, I get myself calm and centred, and then reach down to my roots and dwell there. This helps me be grounded in my intuition and my connection to the Goddess. If I don’t …

Getting to Core Read More »

Happy Solstice

Today is the morning of the shortest day of the year.  A time when I usually clean up, simplify, tidy, pray. I’m grateful for my blessings this year: learning to persevere, my friends. I’m also grateful for something that happened recently. In the place cleared by recognizing that I’d already lost my older brother, I …

Happy Solstice Read More »

Feminist Vitamins

I’ve been telling my friends that coming back from my week at camp I feel like I’ve had a megadose of ultra-strength feminist Mother Earth vitamins. It’s not like I”m any different, just more of myself, and I feel stronger and more resilient. How important it is to be in a space where I can …

Feminist Vitamins Read More »

The day before the pap

Yesterday I saw my therapist and we talked about the pap test appointment tomorrow. What’s different about this appointment is: 1) the medical professional will know I’m a survivor. 2) I’m planning to ask if I have scar tissue. 3) I’m planning to ask about all the wierd things I have going on with my …

The day before the pap Read More »

Running out of steam

I seem to have run out of steam. My therapist is out of town and I accidentally missed last weeks appointment so I have no-one to debrief the yucky images that came up last time I had sex. I find myself not even really remembering them, which I don’t know how I feel about. I …

Running out of steam Read More »

Runaway train

This morning I went for an hour long massage. I really like my massage therapist. I don’t see her that often, but she’s this nice, smart woman and we have lively conversations while she unknots me. Today she commented on my back, how profoundly solid and unmovable with tension it was. I seem to be …

Runaway train Read More »

Compost

The last few days I’ve been lonely. Being sick with a sore throat and earache, and kind of tired, I’ve not been working much and have had lots of time to myself. I find myself logging in to my blog and looking at the posts of other survivors, looking eagerly for comments on my own …

Compost Read More »

One’s own nature

I made music last night with a guitarist I’m now working with. We worked on some covers and one original song from each of us. I brought my most successful song, a song with no survivor content, about euphemisms for the word vagina/vulva. I’ve performed it many times, and gotten a lot of approval for …

One’s own nature Read More »

Unhiding continued

So I didn’t go and make music this week. The sore throat won. However I did compile a bunch of lyrics and listen to a lot of songs that my musical colleague wants to do, and prepared a chart of an original song we’re going to work on together. I kept going. I also practiced …

Unhiding continued Read More »

Going on living

As part of my ongoing quest to stop Hiding I’m starting gradually to getting back into both doing things I’m passionate about and letting others witness me doing them. Tonight, I’ll be meeting to jam for the first time with a friend of a friend who plays the guitar. We’ve been discussing material and will …

Going on living Read More »