I wrote several poems today after a meditation walk I do to clear my head. Here are two of them: 3. Father’s day Sobs shake me in the silence of the labyrinth the creak of wood floor He’s not dead yet. But neither am I. 4. Blessed be all of us strong and struggling The …
Meditation on Father’s Day from an incest survivor Read More »
I had my aunt visit recently, the one who was also assaulted by my father. When I visited her a couple of years ago, she was very accepting of what I had to say and even offered to put some pressure on my mom to write me a letter. After visiting me she visited my …
I’m planning to rent a bus to drive up to my father’s grave with all the survivor friends I can muster. So far I have about six, including my Aunt. (He’s not dead yet, but a girl can hope.) I’m thinking of having a road trip CD. When we got married, I spent months crafting …
Soundtrack for a Survivors Sword Dancing Road Trip Read More »
One of the things I believe as part of my religion is that communication with the Gods is not just a one way flow. Events that feel significant in one way or another, probably are. Many people believe that their Gods answer their prayers for help or guidance in this way. I went downtown on …
I was able to practice voice for longer last time, and it felt good. It’s amazing how alive I feel when I’m singing well. I still haven’t done the full routine, but I’m getting there. I had a long day today, and feel edgy and distracted. The last thing I want to do is put …
Well, I’ve managed to practice voice for two days now. Mostly I just did the physical stretches and some warm up vocalizations, not the actual practice, but I’m figuring out when in my day to do it, and I’ve remembered fairly late at night when I was tired. However, I did it anyway, which is …
(Trigger warning to my ritual abuse survivor allies – the following has description of positive pagan ceremony. ) Last night I got together with a friend of mine who shares my religious beliefs. We got to talking about how neither of us are completing our creative projects to our satisfaction. As we talked, we both …
I’ve been telling my friends that coming back from my week at camp I feel like I’ve had a megadose of ultra-strength feminist Mother Earth vitamins. It’s not like I”m any different, just more of myself, and I feel stronger and more resilient. How important it is to be in a space where I can …
Knowing I have scar tissue has changed my life I think. It’s like an incontrovertable validation of what I’ve been saying all along. No longer can I doubt or go into denial about the accuracy of my memory. I know what happened and I was accurate all along. It is an immense relief. The other …
So the gyne visit went about as well as it could possibly go, and better than I could have envisioned. The nurse-practitioner I saw was very experienced and nice and drew the correct line between warm sympathy and matter of factness. She said we could take as long as we needed, and she did the …
This is a video I found made by an Indian woman about the Gulabi Gang – women who are fighting government corruption and male violence and promoting women’s empowerment in an empoverished area of India. The woman who leads the group was sold into ‘marriage’ as a child, bearing her first child a few years …
I attended my friend’s celebration of life this week. It seems she was a remarkable woman. I also found out at this ceremony that she was probably a survivor as well. There were about a hundred people at the ceremony, all of whom had been profoundly affected by her support and positive encouragement. The attendees …
I just sent this. Hi there, I’m sorry for doing this in an email, but wasn’t certain I could explain all this well over the phone. I hope you can forward this email to whomever in your organization it might concern. I’m originally from [home town] (born and raised) and am an incest survivor. My …
Email to a survivors organization in my home town Read More »
It’s 5:20 am and I can’t sleep. I’m not one of those poor people who actually gets up at 5 am for work or the insane ones that get up at 5 am to do yoga or something. My bedroom is hot, the comforter is too warm, my stomach is upset and I’m running over …
This morning I went for an hour long massage. I really like my massage therapist. I don’t see her that often, but she’s this nice, smart woman and we have lively conversations while she unknots me. Today she commented on my back, how profoundly solid and unmovable with tension it was. I seem to be …
I encourage you to read this post from Oniongirl called ‘We are Here’
The concept of dancing on your abusers’ grave seems to have some resonance for survivors I’ve talked to. Not all of us are of Scottish heritage, or even interested in learning the sword dance or Ghillie Callum used for this purpose. For those of you lucky enough to have dead abusers with graves ripe for …
The other day I was picking up a book I’d requested at the library and absent mindedly browsing the books nearby, which happened to be about religion. I picked up about 8 books in all, including one called “Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith” by Martha Beck. Here’s the …