[about the image – no it’s not me, but I am pissed off no one told me what I needed to know about Lichen Sclerosis and let it get this bad. There aren’t a lot of triggers in this post, except one brief mention of a sexual injury having occurred. ] So a few years […]
Lichen Sclerosis and Childhood Sexual Assault Read More »
I’ve been feeling disheartened lately. I’ve been practicing tantric yoni massage (no endorsement implied in the link, but the description seems about right, and it even mentions survivors), both on my own and with my wife and my lover. I have the injured vulva which has been very sore, and I end up crying throughout the
Benefits of being a sexual abuse survivor… Read More »
Surprize! Getting the inflammation in my vulva down to a dull roar did not instantly fix my sex life. Surprize! Struggling while trying to restore my vulva to the state the Goddess intended for it brings up unexpected daddy issues. Surprize! The God makes a reappearance. Surprize! People can be exceptionally kind sometimes when you
Herne’s blessings – vulva healing and sexuality Read More »
What a miracle this steroid cream is! I put it on and within an hour, I feel something I’ve never felt before. The pain, of burning and heat is replaced by a delicate feeling of wholeness, gentle presence and delicate fine-edged sensation. The feeling of gentle spray from my hand-helf shower head as I clean
The painless vulva miracle Read More »
So I had my follow up visit with the gyne specialist last Friday. Here’s the skinny. I do not have planus lichen (SO glad I went ahead with the biopsy!) Instead I have a ‘chronic inflammatory skin condition’ of the vulva. Basically, she said that the technician could see that I had a chronic inflammatory
Treatment and healing – chronic vulva inflammatory condition Read More »
So this thing that makes my vulva and vagina feel like it has a bad sunburn (sometimes a healing itchy one, sometimes a fresh hot painful one) is an autoimmune disorder, so I’m looking into autoimmune disorders to see what I can do to self-manage and care for my body. I don’t like the idea
Autoimmune Disorders and PTSD Read More »
First off, the specialist did not help me assess the damage from the assault. I was disappointed. However, she did have a very credible theory for what could be causing my pain and took a biopsy to confirm. The biopsy was freaking painful and caused a lot of bleeding (they cut off a small piece
Better, stronger, faster than before. Read More »
Here’s an excerpt from the typed page I’m giving to the Ob/Gyn specialist later this morning: “What I am here for: 1) My goal is to improve my ability to mitigate the impact of my injuries on my sex life and daily level of pain and discomfort. I’d like help to figure out how not
Courage, Perseverence, Gratitude Read More »
I just found out I have an appointment with a woman obstetrician/gynecologist for May 10th. The doctor who set up the appointment for me thought that an obstetrician might be a good doctor to help me, as the tearing is similar to tearing from birthing. I can’t find much about her online, but she teaches
I have an appointment! Read More »
I’ve been reading Brene Brown’s recent book “Daring Greatly“. Most of the information is stuff I already know, but it’s good to review and there were some new bits. I recommend it for anyone wanting to learn about vulnerability and how to manage shame. She also has a number of TED videos which are excellent.
Bravery and Vulnerability Read More »
I had my aunt visit recently, the one who was also assaulted by my father. When I visited her a couple of years ago, she was very accepting of what I had to say and even offered to put some pressure on my mom to write me a letter. After visiting me she visited my
Another disappointing response from a relative Read More »
I am an amazon! I had a pap test and negotiated for what I needed. Yay me. I went to the drop in clinic today because I have a stomach bug (at least that’s what I thought) that wasn’t going away. The doctor ruled out the bug pretty quickly and then asked if I had
Pap Test Success for Incest Survivor Read More »
I wish I could write in more detail about my new lover and our first nights together, but the story is partly hers and not mine to share. All I feel comfortable saying is that it went well, and I was able to be a lot more open about my scarring than I had intended
Life Full of Beauty Read More »
I haven’t written much because not much on the sexual abuse theme has been up lately. I’m happy. I smile. I look at old pictures of myself with a wistful look on my face and realize how profound that change is. I feel good physically. My year of working out twice a week with a
So I’ve been extra spacey lately since the news about the impending letter from my mom replying to the one I sent her three years ago. It’s not like I really notice the spaci-ness myself much, but my wife has noticed and pointed out a few things. This morning I forgot to feed my beloved dog, and
PTSD Spaciness triggered waiting for letter from mom Read More »
My mom’s sister (who I like) called me this weekend to let me know that my mom has finally written a reply to my letter sent almost three years ago with, apparently, answers to my questions. The catch is, she feels it’s too private to send by mail (?) and would like to know how I want
Letter from mom on it’s way… Read More »
Okay, I seem to have it figured out. The yoga is great, but I found something even better. Just becoming aware of how often I clench the muscles of my sore, rape-injured body was a big first step. Now I’m learning to train my body not to do it. It helps that it doesn’t hurt
Eureka – take that, vulvadynia! Read More »
Remember when I wrote that I’d read that vulvadynia was related to constriction of blood flow in the pelvis? That makes sense to me as a survivor and I’ve been paying attention since I read it. I realize that I have habit of clenching this part of my body, particularly when I’m feeling pain, and
Goddess bless yoga – self care for survivors with vaginal injury Read More »