Honour-bound, as I am to nominate some bloggy award winners (5) I’ve decided to start in manageable steps.
Here’s the thing. A blog about “incest survivors, sprituality and ceremonies of justice” is kind of a conversation stopper. In order to be able to feel absolutely honest here, I’ve avoided any mention of who I am and where I am in my posts.
This is not because I’m ashamed of being a survivor. I am more proud of my courage and status as a warrior than almost any other thing in my life. It is a decision to be strong, to not let abuse most people don’t want to think about crush me, and I’ve never regretted it.
However, mentioning in conversation – I’ve tried it – that the big thing in your life is that you’re preparing a rite of passage ceremony to celebrate your triumph over your hopefully soon to be dead rapist father, tends to make even close friends change the topic in a hurry. The ones that don’t are treasures, and it’s been worth doing just for them. I HATE so much that I’m the one who has to feel awkward and inappropriate, for doing what is after all, just my reality, and not one I chose. I’m an amazon and don’t need anyone’s pity or hand-wringing. I just want to live my reality openly. This awkward avoidance of incest silenced me as a child and protected the abuser, as it still does today.
So anyhow, I want to nominate (actress-writer) Meg Tilly’s blog and one other today. I’m nominating Ms. Tilly’s blog because:
1) she wrote this post
2) reading in a magazine today that she has been writing about having survived ongoing physical and sexual abuse and a mother who didn’t protect her released grief and recognition in deep, unexpected but familiar bursts. The heart recognizes valor.
Meg, as one survivor to another, I let you off the hook for nominating more bloggy recipients or linking back to my blog. You have more expectations to manage than I do, and don’t have the luxury of anonymity. The fact that you’re famous only matters to me because it tells me you’ve had to face more for violating the taboo on talking about one’s abuse. This is why your truth is braver than mine, and I honour that you’re telling it. (Anyhow, since there’s no way to leave a comment or email on her blog, she’ll probably never know.)
My second blog nominee is that of a nice Pagan man who sews and plays traditional Celtic music. What I’m doing with the sword dance, reclaiming tools of my heritage culture to fight for my future, he does every day. I like it because he just ignores the rules about what men (or women or traditional musicians) are supposed to do and be, and passionately, persistently does what he is. I aspire to that myself. Seumas, same goes on the bloggy award rules – please only comply if you want to. The choice to link oneself publicly with truthful content about incest is a personal one and I won’t mind iether way.