We’ve called 911 twice today. Earlier tonight, I left my house to walk my dog up the street. I walked about half a block and saw a man walk toward me. I had a bad feeling about it and turned around and walked quickly back to the house and went inside. My wife and I […]
Calling the police Read More »
My brother sent me quite a long reply this morning. He’s concerned that I haven’t ‘moved on’ after all this time and might still be in victim mode. He fully expected I had scar tissue and has always believed me (he didn’t at first) so it’s no news to him, although he did say it matters
Here’s the text of an email I just sent my brother. In my therapy session today, it came up that my father stole all my support from me by doing something so taboo, that I couldn’t talk about it or get support from anyone. We came up with the idea of telling my brothers and
Email I just sent my brother Read More »
http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/res/csa_myths.html I’m also adding this to my Links page.
Good resource on myths around child sexual assault Read More »
So the gyne visit went about as well as it could possibly go, and better than I could have envisioned. The nurse-practitioner I saw was very experienced and nice and drew the correct line between warm sympathy and matter of factness. She said we could take as long as we needed, and she did the
Warrior Victorious in Pap Test Read More »
Yesterday I saw my therapist and we talked about the pap test appointment tomorrow. What’s different about this appointment is: 1) the medical professional will know I’m a survivor. 2) I’m planning to ask if I have scar tissue. 3) I’m planning to ask about all the wierd things I have going on with my
The day before the pap Read More »
This is a video I found made by an Indian woman about the Gulabi Gang – women who are fighting government corruption and male violence and promoting women’s empowerment in an empoverished area of India. The woman who leads the group was sold into ‘marriage’ as a child, bearing her first child a few years
The Pink Gang – Warrior Women Read More »
I’ve just finished reading “Predators, paedophiles, rapists, and other sex offenders: Who they are, how they operate, and how we can protect ouraelves and our children” by Anna Salter, PhD.. This is not a book to read lightly, as it has quotes from abusers that can be pretty disturbing. However, I wanted to understand my
So today I feel really crappy. Sad, depressed. About half is probably my provincial election results (which happened yesterday) and the other half is feeling sad and a bit afraid about what I remembered yesterday. My poor six year old self. She’d begun being raped at five, and now had something horrible happen to her
Now, probably some folks will think that with name like SwordDanceWarrior and a project like planning to dance on my fathers grave, I have no issues with expressing my anger. Quite the contrary. I finally got in to see my therapist today and figured out the intrusive images of being abused by a woman. We
I seem to have run out of steam. My therapist is out of town and I accidentally missed last weeks appointment so I have no-one to debrief the yucky images that came up last time I had sex. I find myself not even really remembering them, which I don’t know how I feel about. I
Running out of steam Read More »
This morning I went for an hour long massage. I really like my massage therapist. I don’t see her that often, but she’s this nice, smart woman and we have lively conversations while she unknots me. Today she commented on my back, how profoundly solid and unmovable with tension it was. I seem to be
I encourage you to read this post from Oniongirl called ‘We are Here’
Nobody could say it better than this Read More »
The concept of dancing on your abusers’ grave seems to have some resonance for survivors I’ve talked to. Not all of us are of Scottish heritage, or even interested in learning the sword dance or Ghillie Callum used for this purpose. For those of you lucky enough to have dead abusers with graves ripe for
Songs to dance on an abusers grave to Read More »
I made music last night with a guitarist I’m now working with. We worked on some covers and one original song from each of us. I brought my most successful song, a song with no survivor content, about euphemisms for the word vagina/vulva. I’ve performed it many times, and gotten a lot of approval for
So I didn’t go and make music this week. The sore throat won. However I did compile a bunch of lyrics and listen to a lot of songs that my musical colleague wants to do, and prepared a chart of an original song we’re going to work on together. I kept going. I also practiced
Unhiding continued Read More »
[A song in progress – celtic/folk story ballad feel. Key of D major] In a cold and northern town, the days are short and the nights are long A little girl grew up alone, surrounded by her family When she was five years old she didn’t know that daddy’s weren’t allowed She thought a monster’d
In a cold and northern town Read More »
Hi Mom, I’ve been thinking about how to mend my relationship with you. I thought I’d start by sending letters. What I thought is that, in 14 years where we had almost no contact, you really hadn’t gotten much chance to know who I’ve become. I was 19, then I was 35 and now 40,
Letter #1 – My Mother is not a saint Read More »