So I figure I’ve got grieving nailed down now. At the retreat this week I had several gut-shaking cries that were very cleansing. In a wierd way, I like grieving, it’s when the pain leaves my system and I feel peace. So now I’m on to anger and rage. Like when I first started grieving, […]
Hi there, I’m going on vacation for a week, to a women’s Pagan retreat. Apparently there will be lots of singing, dancing, art and skinny dipping in the lake. I’m looking forward to it. SDW
We’ve called 911 twice today. Earlier tonight, I left my house to walk my dog up the street. I walked about half a block and saw a man walk toward me. I had a bad feeling about it and turned around and walked quickly back to the house and went inside. My wife and I
Calling the police Read More »
My brother sent me quite a long reply this morning. He’s concerned that I haven’t ‘moved on’ after all this time and might still be in victim mode. He fully expected I had scar tissue and has always believed me (he didn’t at first) so it’s no news to him, although he did say it matters
Anger is not my strong suit. And since my body stores my anger, the only way to keep the anger in my body is to hold my body still. Today, I am angry. I got sidetracked into writing letters to relatives, which brings me more into my head than my body, but needs doing as
Here’s the text of an email I just sent my brother. In my therapy session today, it came up that my father stole all my support from me by doing something so taboo, that I couldn’t talk about it or get support from anyone. We came up with the idea of telling my brothers and
Email I just sent my brother Read More »
In therapy today I talked about how I’m still trying to integrate the scars I saw into my body image. It’s not like it’s a big change, I realize. I always felt there was something ‘wrong’ with my vagina/vulva and now I know. My assignments out of therapy are threefold. First, to think about what
The Scars to Prove It Read More »
I was reading Faith Allen’s excellent blog , specifically a post where she was responding to another person with dissociative identity disorder. She talked about self-nurturing, visualizing wrapping the younger self that holds a memory and feeling in a blanket, telling her it was not her fault. It brought tears to my eyes, sitting here, as
Last night I was reading in bed waiting for my wife to (finally) stop messing around on the computer and come to bed. The book I was reading was on psychic self defence, not a topic I particularly needed, but it was the only book in the bookstore by an author I like. Anyhow, he was
I went and looked up the name of a lawyer I want to talk to about pressuring my dad into confessing. I want to have a confession or something like that before he dies so I can do the activism I want to do without having to use the word ‘alleged’. With the evidence of
One foot in front of the other Read More »
http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/res/csa_myths.html I’m also adding this to my Links page.
Good resource on myths around child sexual assault Read More »
Knowing I have scar tissue has changed my life I think. It’s like an incontrovertable validation of what I’ve been saying all along. No longer can I doubt or go into denial about the accuracy of my memory. I know what happened and I was accurate all along. It is an immense relief. The other
In the wake of proof Read More »
So the gyne visit went about as well as it could possibly go, and better than I could have envisioned. The nurse-practitioner I saw was very experienced and nice and drew the correct line between warm sympathy and matter of factness. She said we could take as long as we needed, and she did the
Warrior Victorious in Pap Test Read More »
Yesterday I saw my therapist and we talked about the pap test appointment tomorrow. What’s different about this appointment is: 1) the medical professional will know I’m a survivor. 2) I’m planning to ask if I have scar tissue. 3) I’m planning to ask about all the wierd things I have going on with my
The day before the pap Read More »
This is a video I found made by an Indian woman about the Gulabi Gang – women who are fighting government corruption and male violence and promoting women’s empowerment in an empoverished area of India. The woman who leads the group was sold into ‘marriage’ as a child, bearing her first child a few years
The Pink Gang – Warrior Women Read More »
Okay, so I think I found a safe (to me) place to get a gyne exam. I found out through some friends that the community health centres have nurses that do pap tests, who are allowed to schedule longer appointments than doctors (who under our health system are allowed 15 minutes, if you can believe
Warrior Schedules PAP Test Read More »
I’ve just finished reading “Predators, paedophiles, rapists, and other sex offenders: Who they are, how they operate, and how we can protect ouraelves and our children” by Anna Salter, PhD.. This is not a book to read lightly, as it has quotes from abusers that can be pretty disturbing. However, I wanted to understand my
I attended my friend’s celebration of life this week. It seems she was a remarkable woman. I also found out at this ceremony that she was probably a survivor as well. There were about a hundred people at the ceremony, all of whom had been profoundly affected by her support and positive encouragement. The attendees
Magic and Meditation Read More »