sworddancewarrior

The Man Who Planted Trees

This video/story has nothing to do with being a survivor, really, but much to do with hope and making a difference. It’s an allegorical tale of a man who spends his life planting trees. This is the type of movie I’d like to see more of instead of reality tv, never resolving dramas and sensationalized […]

The Man Who Planted Trees Read More »

My Older Brother

A few weeks back I called my older brother, and left a phone message. I want to talk to him about some stuff to do with my father dying and also to ask him for information about the first house we lived in. However, we’re somewhat estranged, which started happening around the time I started

My Older Brother Read More »

Cords and ties

My therapy session today was unexpectedly intense yesterday. I’ve been giving myself a hard time lately about not being able to persevere. In general, particularly with certain things like learning physical skills, if I meet resistance or difficulty, I have a lot of trouble continuing on in spite of it (except in certain thing, or things

Cords and ties Read More »

Warrior 2 – It takes much bravery to stand up to our enemies but we need as much bravery to stand up to our friends

“Warriorship…does not refer to making war on others. Agression is the source of our problems, not the solution. Here the word “warrior” is taken from the Tibetan Pawo, which literally means “one who is brave.” Warriorship—is the tradition of human bravery, or the tradition of fearlessness.” – Chogyam Trungpa In those terms, most of the

Warrior 2 – It takes much bravery to stand up to our enemies but we need as much bravery to stand up to our friends Read More »

Learning to be here

I met a woman at the Pagan conference who presented on a topic I happened to have a book on that I’d read but didn’t really understand. However, I knew that she would find the book of interest so I brought it and gave it to her. She’d heard me sing, and in return gave

Learning to be here Read More »

Happiness

Yesterday, I was in my therapy appointment telling my therapist how happy I was about how confident and strong I’d felt at the conference over the weekend. But really, I’m not paying her to listen to me be happy. So I ended up talking about my older brother, how we’ve been sort of estranged for

Happiness Read More »

Pagan Conference

This weekend I attended a Pagan conference and met some interesting and helpful people. Have you ever had a period in your life where you appear to be in Grace? Where challenges emerge and are defeated easily? Where it seems simple to be calm and powerful? The voices of the divine and your own truth

Pagan Conference Read More »

Blues

So today I feel really crappy. Sad, depressed. About half is probably my provincial election results (which happened yesterday) and the other half is feeling sad and a bit afraid about what I remembered yesterday. My poor six year old self. She’d begun being raped at five, and now had something horrible happen to her

Blues Read More »

Hunting down the fragments

After my success last week with the intrusive imagery, I decided this week to hunt down other pain in the ass residues of being a survivor that are persistent. I have a fear of walking up stairs from basements. I manage to do it on a regular basis, in fact my bedroom is in the

Hunting down the fragments Read More »

Rage

Now, probably some folks will think that with name like SwordDanceWarrior and a project like planning to dance on my fathers grave, I have no issues with expressing my anger. Quite the contrary. I finally got in to see my therapist today and figured out the intrusive images of being abused by a woman. We

Rage Read More »

Back in the saddle

I’ve been getting weekly massages and had one today. It’s amazing how nice and unusual being more relaxed than usual is. Last night I made some good progress on writing a song to go with Oniongirl’s words (with her permission) and I’m really happy with it. I’ve got to get the guitar part a bit

Back in the saddle Read More »

Running out of steam

I seem to have run out of steam. My therapist is out of town and I accidentally missed last weeks appointment so I have no-one to debrief the yucky images that came up last time I had sex. I find myself not even really remembering them, which I don’t know how I feel about. I

Running out of steam Read More »

Runaway train

This morning I went for an hour long massage. I really like my massage therapist. I don’t see her that often, but she’s this nice, smart woman and we have lively conversations while she unknots me. Today she commented on my back, how profoundly solid and unmovable with tension it was. I seem to be

Runaway train Read More »