I set up a twitter account for my SwordDanceWarrior identity and am posting my new blog posts plus a sort of ‘greatest hits’ from older posts on it. I wanted to encourage traffic to the blog, since I really like the discussion with other survivors via comments. If you tweet and wish to follow it, […]
SwordDanceWarrior on Twitter Read More »
-Likely to be triggering – As I’ve written about before, my father is a sociopath, a person without empathy or conscience. I don’t mean this merely as an insult, but as a literal fact. This means that he has no internal limits on his behaviour. As a result I have to wonder what else he’s
Do I report my sociopath father to the police? Again? Read More »
Unlike my other posts, this isn’t written for survivors, but for their partners. Okay, I lied, it’s really written for survivors to give to their partners, and has both answers to frequently asked questions and some helpful tips. I’m mixing up the pronouns here, because a lot of this applies to both women and men,
Primer for Partners of Sexual Abuse Survivors Read More »
This video really sums it up. I wish I could just play it for people like the idiot guy I met who said “men are raped by women just as often as women are by men, they just don’t report it”. I was flabbergasted. Those of us who are survivors know what the impact is
EQUALS: Belated post for International Women’s Day Read More »
This post is in response to the idea that some people have about the causes of people falling in love with someone of the same sex. Many of you will be familiar with the false ‘theory’ that is ‘false memory syndrome’ made up by child molesters to discredit child sexual assault survivors who disclose abuse
Sexual Orientation and Sexual Abuse Read More »
I was included in this month’s carnival against child abuse. My post “Car Crash” about the truth of what it is like to have PTSD was listed after the main topic entries. For those who don’t know what a carnival is, it’s a thing where people send in submissions of blog entries on a theme
February Blog Carnival against child abuse Read More »
This won’t make much sense to non-Trekkies. In the Star Trek Series of TV shows, particularly ‘Deep Space Nine’, there is a species called Ferrengi, who are avaricious and focussed on accumulating wealth. Their central philosophy is rooted in the ‘Rules of Acquisition‘ . I was struck by a unique application of rule #3 in
What Quark the Ferrengi taught me about coping mechanisms and PTSD Read More »
In my meditation walk, I suddenly had a flash that my new motto was “Free your vulva and the rest will follow”.
Free your vulva and the rest will follow. Read More »
At the encouragement of one of my friends, I’m working on a book about sexual abuse recovery, based on the writing I’ve done here in the past two years. I’m working on the draft today, organizing the content and writing the introduction. What I’m thinking about is that a lot of us learn by watching
One of the most difficult things about suviving childhood sexual assault is coping with the fragmented and taboo nature of our memories. This breaks down into four main issues: Memories of trauma are different from regular memories. Memories of childhood trauma are different from regular trauma memories. Memories of childhood sexual assault are different from
Memories of childhood sexual assault – why are they different? how can we trust them? Read More »
My adult spirituality developed in first or second year university. I was taking a philosophy of religion course, up to my neck in flashbacks and attending 12 step meetings of Adult Children of Alcoholics. The Courage to Heal and ‘You can heal your life’ were my lifelines. In the 12 step meetings I went to,
What I learned about faith and child sexual abuse Read More »
My good friend whose husband threatened to kill her a little over a year ago, got her divorce finalized yesterday. Butthead has been dragging it out and they’ve been spending a fortune on legal bills, but it’s done. Yay! I met up by chance with a good friend today who, like me, was waiting somewhat
Healthy, Safe, Loved, Connected Read More »
I got the package from my grade 6 teacher today. She sent me a beautiful letter, a collage of pictures of me and my classmates in a frame, and some stories about me then. I cried a good hard cry. I’ll write more later, since I’m at work. I think this is the kindest and
Here’s what I have learned in 25 years of healing, about the topic of forgiveness as relates to survivors of childhood sexual assault by a family member or other sexual predator. 1) People who rape kids are outside the range of what forgiveness cultural practices were designed for. People who haven’t survived childhood sexual abuse
What I learned about child sexual abuse and forgiveness. Read More »
Feel whatever is there in a safe place The first time I remember not being anxious was after a 12 step meeting. My shoulders were relaxed. This had never happened before, I was certain. It was after an adult children of alcoholics meeting. I found 12 step meetings really helpful in my early recovery, because
What I learned about anxiety – for child sexual abuse survivors Read More »
I am a student of happiness right now. It started when I realized that I wasn’t actually happy. Nothing bad going on particularly, but not happy. That has changed. Then I came across this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0 and something in it clicked for me, about how I need to let people see me, people in my regular
What I’ve learned about happiness Read More »
Here’s a post from a place where I don’t feel like I’ve gotten a handle on all of the post-traumatic symptoms, although I have come a long way. Stages of my sexual life as a survivor: 1) Teenage – not going ‘all the way’ and enjoying all the sexual play leading up to intercourse. Being
What I learned about child sexual abuse survivors and sex and relationships Read More »
I ran into one of my elementary school teachers at a conference I was presenting at, and we reconnected. In a follow up email I fairly matter of factly told her I’d been abused by my father (she still works in the school system and the more people who know about him in this small
Gifts of Kindness – A Teacher Gives Survivor a Piece of Her Past Read More »