I broke up with a partner recently. We were monogamous. It was awful. Not because we were monogamous, but because – hell I don’t really know, yet, I’m still numb and still and gummed up. I feel broken.
I will not lie to you. Read More »
This is a huge topic. Here’s the short version for childhood sexual abuse survivors. When you had parents who severely abused or neglected you, it messes up your ability to be close to a romantic partner. Oh yay, another thing being a survivor has messed up, you say? Well, yes, but the good news is,
I heard back from my mother on my birthday a little while ago. She wished me a happy birthday, in a brief text message. I was not happy. I have not replied.
Texts and family reunions Read More »
The last time I posted here was December 2015. Wow. That’s a long time ago. A lot has happened. The woman I was dating when I last wrote was a terrible human being. I was completely wrong about her. I was in the initial honeymoon of dating a very self-centred person. As I was writing,
A lot has happened… Read More »
I’m listening to Brene Brown’s book ‘Rising Strong’ right now. I find her work to be very helpful. I could write more about that but I’m trying to get to a point here. I’m in a relationship. A good one. With a woman I love and respect and am very attracted to, all of which
Shitty first drafts Read More »
I am whole I am holy I was born from pain, raised in pain but I overcame I deserve all the love this world can offer I deserve a beautiful life And I will live it I told her of my fears showed her all the things I was afraid would scare her off believing
Love is not a prize Read More »
I wrote several poems today after a meditation walk I do to clear my head. Here are two of them: 3. Father’s day Sobs shake me in the silence of the labyrinth the creak of wood floor He’s not dead yet. But neither am I. 4. Blessed be all of us strong and struggling The
Meditation on Father’s Day from an incest survivor Read More »
I am going to celebrate Mother’s day tomorrow, in honour of my inner mother – the part of myself that nurtures and cares for all of me, and in honour of Mother Earth. My two mothers, Mother Earth and my inner self-mother love, nurture, feed and protect me every day. To all my incest survivor peeps,
Reframing mother’s day for incest survivors Read More »
Last night my partner decided to watch the Color Purple, a screen adaptation of a book by Alice Walker. This is the 1985 epic movie that made the acting careers of Oprah Winfrey and Whoopi Goldberg. The main character is an incest survivor, having borne two children sired by her own father by the age
I’ve been feeling disheartened lately. I’ve been practicing tantric yoni massage (no endorsement implied in the link, but the description seems about right, and it even mentions survivors), both on my own and with my wife and my lover. I have the injured vulva which has been very sore, and I end up crying throughout the
Benefits of being a sexual abuse survivor… Read More »
This post is chock full of triggers. No descriptions of actual abuse, but lots about injured vaginas and what works to make them feel better. A little bit of religious triggers if reading about Pagan stuff triggers you. Read at your own risk. _________________________________________________________________________ I have one messed up vagina. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. Actually spiritually it is
Vulva – Healing the Physical Effects of Childhood Sexual Assault – Physical Self Care Read More »
I had a comment just now asking for resources for partners. I am a survivor and have been involved with women who are survivors. I think that most of this will be applicable to partners of survivors of all genders. Partners will find these posts particularly useful: Car Crash – or what PTSD and complex
Help for Partners of Childhood Sexual Assault Survivors Read More »
The story I wrote about in my last post, where I’d come out to a potential lover as having an injured vagina and she’d reacted in an odd way, has been puzzling me. What was it about that which was so triggering? I figured it out when I was trying to write her an
Coming out as a survivor part 3 – Intimate Relationships with Bystanders and Civilians Read More »
In my previous post on this topic, I covered coming out to yourself, your therapist and your support or therapy community. The final two really difficult steps are coming out to friends and lovers (level one and two) and coming out to or confronting your family. The family piece might come before the friend piece,
Coming Out as a Survivor Part 2 – Friends and Lovers Read More »
So last Saturday I saw my ex girlfriend (Kitten) and her new girlfriend at the bar. It was no big deal. For those who don’t know the back story, she was my partner for 5 months and we broke up mid September. She reminded me a lot of my father / abuser, thankfully not in
New Year Resolution Read More »
I’m trying to write a chapter on coming out as an incest or child sexual assault survivor for the book. There are a lot of reasons to come out, and a lot of reasons not to. I’m not going to say one is always better than the other. You need to decide for yourself what
What I’ve learned about coming out as an incest survivor (part 1) Read More »
Yesterday I did a ritual of blessing and letting go with one of my friends. We both practice the same religion but hadn’t done any ceremony together before. It was her idea to burn things we wanted to let go of before we go into the new year, and to eat a dinner of black
New Year – Releasing, Banishing and Blessing Read More »
Tonight is Christmas Eve. I am grateful to be spending it with my spouse and my dog, in a warm, safe house full of light and love. I am happy. I’d like to share some holiday coping tips and recommendations as I’ve learned them over the past 20+ years for myself and from other survivors
Holidays for Incest Survivors Read More »